I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
