OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
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