You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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