fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
