I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
