Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
