It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
