Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Randomize
