I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Randomize
