i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
