I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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