Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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