Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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