walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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