i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Randomize
