God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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