you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I'm passing your future prison.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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