Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
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