I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize
