i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
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