Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
