Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
