Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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