the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
