Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
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