Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
