It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
