think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
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