Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
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