ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
