Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
