i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
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