Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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