How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Life is so much better after having sex.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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