I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
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