I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
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