that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
