Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
