Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
