I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
