The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Randomize
