MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
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