She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Randomize
