So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
