You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Randomize
