the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Boobs speak an international language.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
