We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Randomize
