I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Randomize
