i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
