Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
