Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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