The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
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