can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Randomize
